Prince George's County Tricentennial

Prince George's County:
Over 300 years of History

Eternal

Boy Meets Girl (introduction) Yes, I know your mother told you never to speak to strangers, so you hold up the wall at your freshman mixer, and wonder how all those other people who seem to be getting along so well got to know each other. Well, chances are that they never saw each other before, but, knowing that attending the same school serves as an introduction, waded right in with a few remarks about the decorations, the refreshments, the trouble they had registering, or any one of the hundreds of exciting things that happen to brand-new freshman. That, my girl, is how the "Hello" Habit begins to click. So don't stand there in a sheepish huddle with a bunch of other girls. Stroll around and look the situation over. If a boy asks you to dance, he will introduce himself, and you, in turn, give him your name. If any of his friends come up, he will present them to you, and you will present him to the girls (we hope they've gotten out of their huddle by now). On just such occasions you will abandon the formal phrase "May I present so-and-so" for the more casual and easy phrases such as "I don't believe you've met Freddie Freshman" or "This is Sammy Sophomore, Betty Coed." Formal introductions can be memorized as a standard form and the names filled in appropriately. Try these:

"Miss Heartbreaker, may I present Mr. Confirmed Bachelor?"

"Miss Fatt'nforty, this is Miss Young'nlovely."

"Miss Hopeful, Mr. Gottagirl."

Unless you can bear social ostracism, don't say, "Tom, meet the girl friend." It's a sure way to ruin yourself. And, men, don't say "Elmer, shake hands with my pal Charlie." Elmer will probably wonder vaguely if you expected him to do a handspring or if you thought he didn't know enough to shake hands.

Smile when you're introduced, and if you shake hands do it with a little enthusiasm, but you avoid bone-crushing technique. Take a good look at the person -- he may show up in your first chemistry lab. and be an awfully bright boy -- and don't look at the floor and mumble. Speak right up and 'sprees yourself, in order to make that vital first impression all the personality writers are in such a dither about.

Introductions can be fun if you have the four basic rules at your finger- tips:

Present a gentleman to a lady.
Present a young lady to an older one.
Present a single woman to a married one.
Present a lesser individual to one of reknown.

With the poise and assurance of knowing the correct forms the rest is easy.

"And that, my dear, is how I met your father."

When the name slips you and you're forced to make introductions, it's very easy to say "I'm sorry, I don t believe I remember your name." Don't just ignore the introduction. If you don't know the girl, just assert existence by saying I am -- "If that doesn't bring any response try "And your name?" If she's still frigid after that, perhaps you d better forget the subject was ever mentioned.

When you bring a friend into a large crowd, be sure he meets everyone, and don't let him stand around like a fish out of water. Pick the few that you think will interest him, and add ten-word sketches of them when introducing. That gives them something to talk about, other than the weather, be it good or bad.

After the introduction, an interested smile is in order. Mean it when you say "how do you do," and turn on that very best smile. Remember first impressions are often the most lasting, and a pleasant smile is usually taken as an outward sign of good disposition.

As usual, the woman has the last word. In parting, it is the man's place to say "I am glad to have met you," to which the lady replies, "Thank you," and any additional cordial remark. But remember girls, let the man express his joy first.

The Receiving Line Don't shirk receiving lines. You'll find them at some teas, many of the very formal dances, and often at private affairs. Nobody will bite you, and the chances are you'll find valuable experience in meeting notables you've heard of and read about.

Aside from that, receiving lines improve your address. You'll be surprised at the number of people in the line who will remember the impression you make.

Respect and courtesy are just that, -- no matter whether the times are new or old.

To rise when older people enter the room, or when they rise, is still the most highly esteemed way of showing respect to them as well as to yourself.

Since housemothers and social directors are your temporary mothers and advisors, treat them as such. They deserve to be welcomed with the utmost courtesy and respect.

Rushing Most would-be sorority girls come to college with a hazy picture of rushing as a sort of open season on eligible girls when feminine Greeks abandon all the manners they ever learned in frantic competition for future campus-leaders to shed glory on their own individual sisterhoods. But when the smoke of rushing clears the girls find that the rules still held, and that the rushees who were well-bred and gracious usually drew the best bids.

Whether you visit one sorority house or many, rushing can be an occasion to meet more of your own classmates and to mingle with upper-classmen whom you have not run into up the hill. Try not to feel that you are being "looked over" by the initiates; behave as you would at any friendly afternoon tea; and above all don't try to impress the girls. If your personality clicked in high-school it will in college without any press-agenting on your part. Many friendships are formed during rushing, and after you are pledged you will find it agreeable to have friends in pledge-groups other than your own, for there is much inter-sorority entertaining. Do try to get around and meet as many of the girls as possible in the houses you visit. They are anxious to meet you, too.

You and your sorority hostesses usually wear silk dresses, dressy shoes, and silk hose on rush occasions, unless you are specifically asked to come as you are from class. Then you may wear your socks-and-saddles. The girls are primarily interested in you, so don't place false emphasis on dress. Be neat and well-groomed, but don't feel apologetic if you haven't a different dress to wear each time you are invited back to the same house. Behind the scenes, the sorority girls have the same wardrobe problems you have! Honest!

It is more important to keep your invitations straight than to look as though Mademoiselle's College Board had approved of your clothes. When you have made a definite date with a sorority, keep it, although you may have received a more recent invitation that seems to be more desirable. Think of the poor sorority girls stuck with an extra hundred star-shaped sandwiches when some of you don't appear!

ONE OF THE SISTERS NOW

Assuming that you are wearing that much-desired pledge pin, you will find that you have certain general duties and obligations whatever group you have selected. Remember that in accepting their pledge-pin, you have become a representative of your sorority. Infractions of dormitory rules or discourtesy on campus will be a reflection on the good name your older sisters have been building during their years in college. If you have etiquette problems your pledge leader will be glad to help you with them. She is someone who has been at college long enough to know the "ropes," and she is willing to save you from a hard road.

The good sorority girl is active; she does "get around." She works not only for the good of her group, but for the good of the school as well. Maryland has varied enough activities for every girl to find one to suit her interests and talents. Get in and work hard -- you can have a lot of fun! Don't be a mere joiner -- take an interest. Waiting around 'till 4:10 or walking back up the hill after supper isn't hard if you're really interested in what's going on at your meeting.

But lest your enthusiasm for your activities run away with you, remember that you have a certain scholastic average to maintain. Colleges are still primarily educational institutions though their field has broadened considerably. You must have at least a two point average, and most sororities hope you can do better than that. You know general sorority averages (including pledges and actives) are checked pretty carefully -- and, well, you want your group to be beautiful and smart-both!

Smoking Of course you may smoke -- if you think you want to. There's nothing compulsory for or against. But so many of our smoking habits are just matters of good taste and common sense. A lady strives to avoid offending others, and smoking on dance floors and at other crowded gatherings is careless and offensive because of sparks and smoke. Just as you would not consider walking down a public street with a cigarette, you avoid smoking on campus and at games, for it makes you appear "tough."

Some people take smokers for granted, others can stand them. But plenty of people regard cigarettes as inventions of Satan. Be sure of your ground. If in doubt, ask. You will be regarded with higher esteem than if you take things for granted.

And the same, by the way, men, goes for cigars and potent pipes- only more so.

Don't be a cigarette chiseler. Often a boy provides the cigarettes when he dates you. That's all right-but don t bum them off your room-mate or the girl across the hall repeatedly. Pass around your own pack sometimes.

You may enjoy smoking, but don't turn into a "lighter from the butt..." and smoke too intensely. One of the philosophers, you remember, advised enjoyment of all things . . . in moderation.

Guess what ash trays are for! That's right. They're ornamental these days, but primarily they're designed for ashes. Please use them, and it is prudent for non-smokers to have several around their rooms when the girls drop in for a chat.

Extinguish your stubs firmly. It has been said, "Always chaperone out alone.'' If you put your lighted cigarette down for a moment, make sure it can do no harm to your hostess's antiques.

Supposing you are one of the girls who smoke-then it's up to you to live down the reputation women have for being untidy and affected smokers. Avoid gesturing and aping the poses of the girls in the cigarette ads. It is graceless and unfeminine to "phfft" the little, loose pieces of tobacco that cling to your lips. Remove them inconspicuously with your fingertips-or change your brand.

Don't wave your arms gracefully about or crane your neck swan- fashion when exhaling. It smacks of affectation. Don't leave cigarettes to smolder in the ash tray or on the furniture -- even veteran smokers choke on the fumes, and the furniture is not measurably improved when spotted with cigarette burns. Don't smoke when your escort is a non-indulger. It makes him look and feel rather ineffectual.

Don't smoke just to be one of the crowd. "Sheep" lack individuality. And don't be afraid not to smoke. Remember, there are plenty of people looking for "just your kind."

Soup to Nuts If you know better than to eat with your fingers or spear bread across the table with your fork, you needn't think your table manners are faultless. There are little polished points here and there which can show you up as a really well-bred eater. The old theory of no second helpings has been exploded; "take two" -- your hostess will beam at you.

If the butler spills the gravy down your neck, grin and bear it . . . you can settle with him later outside. Don't ask questions about the food; don't stare around at it; eat it. After the meal, you can tell the hostess you enjoyed it -- if you did. Don't say if you didn't.

The best eater is a noiseless one, who doesn't make a point of his food. Here is a list of a few special manners:

Gentleman seats lady nearest him, and she takes her place slowly enough so he has a chance to pull out her chair. She is seated from the left and rises from the right.
Take your napkin as soon as you are seated, and arrange gloves or handbag in your lap so they won't fall on the floor. Never put them on the table.
Hostess always gives the signal to start eating -- by starting to eat.
Use the knife in the right hand ...don't put it on the tablecloth -- put it cross-wise on your plate . . . You may cut salad with a knife. At the end of the meal, place your knife and fork together on your plate with the knife blade turned toward the center.
Wait for the hostess to give the sign for rising.
A gentleman should never tuck a napkin into his belt or vest . . . and he should not wad it up.
Don't leave the spoon in the fruit cup.

Salt and pepper shakers are very companionable, and they get quite lonesome when separated. Pass them together with the forefinger halfway down between them.

Keep your elbows in or you might find one missing sometime.

A cough or sneeze should be turned away from the table and persons next to you, and your napkin lifted to cover your nose.

It has been said that "Americans walk and sit as if they owned the world." Are you an American or are you? If so, act like one. Don't slouch.

Living with Others 1. YOUR ROOM-MATE

A girl's best friend may be her mother, but if her room-mate isn't her friend, too, she can be mighty unhappy. Remember she's a person with as many preferences, dislikes, and personal foibles as you have. Take it easy till you get to know her better. She may want to keep her private life just that; so don't ask her a million questions even though you're just dying to know who the smooth-looking man is in the picture on her bureau. If he's her current heart-throb, your too-eager interest may nip a potentially beautiful friendship while it is still in the bud; and if he's her brother, well, wouldn't you rather be casual if he really did turn out to be as nice as he looks? You wouldn't want his sister to tell him you'd been raving about his picture for weeks.

Never burst into another person's room without knocking. She may not have anything to hide, but all of us like to be alone occasionally, even if it's only to try out a new facial pack.

It's an old joke between room-mates that the first one up in the morning is the best dressed, but it's not very funny to spend a lot of effort pressing a dress to wear for a date in town, only to find that your roomie walked out in it an hour ago as well as in your last pair of decent hose. Settle between you two what each of you plans to wear before you take literally the saying "You must wear it some time." There is a limit to generosity.

When you are visiting around the dorm don't all talk at once. It sounds maddening next door, and it's rude to break into each other conversations. What's the use of talking if there's nobody left to listen?

Naturally when a girl's family sends her a box of food she can't invite the whole dorm; so if you burst in on a private feast exit as gracefully as possible though courtesy compels the girl to ask you even though the fried chicken is running low.

Try to work out some sort of a plan for studying. If you have an hour quiz the next day and your room-mate wants to visit, you can tactfully persuade her to take her friends down to the Rec hall while you retire behind the "Do not Disturb" sign on the door. But be friendly and reasonable about it. She'll want the same consideration when she has a quiz coming up.

2. HOUSE-MOTHERS

A house-mother can be your friend rather than your natural enemy. Like most of us she responds to courtesy and consideration. Treat her with the same respect you would accord any older woman. Rising when she enters a room, picking up objects she has dropped, and introducing your guests and dates-these are the small courtesies that will win her friendship and, incidentally, reflect your home-training. Flowers sent when the dorm has a social function, show your appreciation for the time she must spend receiving your guests.

When you visit a fraternity house you will leave your wraps in the chaperone's apartment. Respect her things. Don't leave smears of powder on her dressing table, nor lipstick on her towels. She'll approve your date's choice of a best girl if you remember to greet her each time you visit the house.

3. SERVANTS

Take pity on the maids. You'll find your room will be cleaned more satisfactorily if the maid doesn't have to find her way through a welter of books, shoes, scattered furniture, and sports equipment. Be sure to thank the maid for any service she does for you; and for some unusual service other than her regularly prescribed duties, a small tip is in order.

4. YOUR PUBLIC

During the average day at the University you encounter a great many people. Try to make your contacts with them as agreeable as possible. Even if you have a special dancing date for the evening don't come to dinner with your hair in curlers. It spoils the scenery. If you lost your curls while tramping to class during an afternoon down-pour, you can pin them in place again and tie an attractive kerchief around your head. You aren't as hard on the eyes that way, and your sorority sisters still might consider nominating you for Miss Maryland.

At the table be sure to pass things, for the other fellow needs brain food as much as you do.

If you should make a social error, excuse yourself with a sincere "I beg your pardon" or "Excuse me", but avoid elaborate and flustered apologies. An abrupt "Pardon" is not considered good taste.

Telephone etiquette is particularly important if you live in a dormitory or a large boarding house. While you hang on the telephone hour after hour murmuring sweet nothings into your friend's ear, some other girl may be pining for just one little word from her heart-throb. Besides, when you are monopolizing the 'phone you may be preventing some important message from coming in. Try to limit your calls to five minutes, unless you happen to receive them some time during the day when practically everyone else is at class. The wires usually are humming right after dinner. Consider the location of the 'phone, too. If it is right outside an Alpha Lambda Delta's door, it won't help her studying any if you argue loudly over the 'phone about why your family hasn't sent your allowance. Try to tone your voice down. And if you have a lot to say, write a letter!

5. HOSTESSES

The chaperone of your dormitory or sorority house is not head matron of a reform institution, but a gracious older lady who presides over your house, and who is most willing to help you with your social and academic problems. She has seen a great many girls go through college, and she can give you very good advice if you make a friend of her. You will accord her the same courtesy you give your own mother. You'll find she's really quite human and willing to meet you half way.

You will be given a set of Women's League Rules which you are expected to follow as your standards. It really isn't humorous to break these rules. "Freshies" who can't keep quiet and come in on time are an old story to the upperclassmen who serve on the League Council. If you get frisky and fall out of line you will face the embarrassment of going before the League as well as the loss of precious late privileges.

The rules are based on common sense. If you follow them your dorm will be a happier place to live in.

Your chaperone didn't draw up the house rules to hamper your personal freedom. Those rules have arisen through successive generations of coeds, and are simply short-cuts to the most convenient way of collegiate living. It is up to you to be sport enough to observe them without having your house-mother hanging over your head as a threat.

At a social function the chaperone is just as much a guest as a girl's date, and it is up to the girl to make her feel welcome. Be sure to introduce your escort to her early in the evening, and see that she meets other chaperones who are present. If there are refreshments, quietly ask one of the boys to see that the chaperones are served first.

If your dancing is more energetic than graceful, be careful not to step on the chaperone's toes. She may be giving up something she wants to do in order to preside at your dance, and it is most ungrateful to repay her effort with a bruised shin.

You'll find that a very little consideration and courtesy on your part will win you a valued friendship that will last long after graduation.

Living in an Off-Campus House If you are living in an off-campus house, don't feel as if you have been cast off like an old shoe. You are not in the background one bit. Join as many clubs and organizations as you possibly can and still manage to get your work done. This is the way you will meet people: The Y.W.C.A. for girls and the Footlight Club, the Swimming Club, and the religious clubs to meet the boys. Try to be very friendly to everyone and don't forget the "Hello Habit."

There are, of course, some do's and don'ts to living in an off-campus house.

Don't think that since you're not living in a dorm the regulations do not apply to you; they do.

Try to keep your room neat, and don't have a thousand and one things all over the floor for the cleaning woman to fall over.

Be pleasant to everyone in your house. Your housemother, too, is very friendly. Sit down and talk to her occasionally, tell her about classes and also your dates. She likes to hear about them.

When your dates come to call for you, be sure to introduce them to your housemother if she is in the room. If boys come to call on you, remember there is only one living room and someone else might like to use it. Don't let them walk in with the intention of camping all night.

When they call you on the telephone, make your conversations short and snappy. Don't keep talking endlessly on the phone. There are others in the house who are probably holding their breath for a call. Also, boys are much more interested when you keep them guessing.

Don't have your complete stag line call you every single night. Your housemother wears a path to the phone answering it as it is.

Don't consider everyone's property in the house yours. If you'd like to borrow something, that's swell if you have the permission. But, be sure you bring it back in the same condition. Don't borrow a new straw Easter bonnet and bring it back looking like a fisherman's hat with a ripply brim. That's not cricket!

You will take care of the eating question well, I know. But when you buy sugary cakes, crackers, and sweets you'd better hide them in a tin container. Mice have an affinity for sweets too!

Letters and Invitations Many a promising social career or lifelong friendship has been blighted because of the letter that was never written. Those few lines from you take such a little bit of your time, and Uncle Sam's mail service does the hard part for you -- flying over mountains and travelling through scorching deserts. Letters aren't really hard to write -- write a friendly letter in the same conversational tone you would use in chatting to your absent friend. You'd talk about little, everyday happenings, wouldn't you? And if you can t find enough to talk about, you can fill in with sketches, no matter how crude.

Answering a formal note of invitation is apple-pie compared to trying to express your personality in a friendly letter. All you do is fill in the appropriate gaps in what amounts to a formula. Using the third person, you write:

Miss Betty Coed accepts with pleasure (we hope!) Mrs. Smythe's kind invitation to tea (or dinner, or a reception) at five o'clock on October the fifth, at the Ritzmore Country Club.

Depending on the affair, notes for informal gatherings may be snappy, funny, or just plain letters. You're likely to get more people and a more "pliable" crowd if your invitations are startlingly original.

And do send birthday and congratulatory cards. They cost so little and mean so much to the celebrator when he knows you didn't forget. Realize how you yourself appreciate even the slightest note; it shows pleasing thoughtfulness on the part of the writer.

Letters of condolence are the hardest of all to word. But if you think for a few minutes, and try to imagine the bereavement of the person to whom you are writing, your letter will be natural and sincere and carry a degree of consolation that a stilted, form letter could never convey.

Make a point of answering invitations promptly whether R.S.V.P. appears on them or not. Your hostess will bless you and ask you to all her best parties.

Return to the Index of "To Do or Not to Do" or continue reading from here.

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